Black Star's Big Fun Law Breaking Adventure
by soulsforsnacks
Summary: Soap Operas, Toaster Poppies, Pie, Paint Ball, Hospital Trips and more in this Black Star centric day of nauseating shenanigans.


**Even if this is cheesy, I'll dedicate this to my reviewers because reading your awesome comments really makes me want to write! So here is something that I hope makes everyone laugh, because it's Black Star and it makes too much sense to put him in comedic situations.**

**Enjoy.**

* * *

Oh, man. There was no way out of this, was there. Tsubaki sighed. After all their time as partners, Black Star never changed in this spontaneity. Heh, oxymoron. Apparently neither has changed her poor taste in jokes.

"Tsubaki! I know that average mortals cannot keep up with the Great Black Star, but I've done you the favour of slowing down for you and you are still way behind me!!!"

Translation: "Hurry it up!"

Tsubaki sighed again, "Coming!"

Think back to this morning.

-------

At 7:06 this morning, on the final days of summer vacation, Tsubaki was cooking breakfast-

Noted: bacon, omelets, Funberry Toaster Poppies and apples cut into rabbit shape

-was cooking breakfast, when her enthused partner jumped out from no where, scaring the ever loving bajeezus out of her. Naturally, he was screaming.

"Tsubaki!! I, the Mighty Black Star, have decided that today we will- Ooh! Are those Toaster Poppies?!"

"Yes, now what were you-"

"Are they the red kind or the purple kind, cause I really hate the purple kind."

"They're Funberry flavoured. So, today we're doing wha-"

"Awesome! Y'know, they're coming out with a new kind? It's blue!"

"That's great, Black Star, now _what_ were you saying about today?" Black Star had been up less than ten minutes and Tsubaki was already exhausted.

"Oh yeah! I...um... Well, Tsubaki, as you know, my knowledgeable head contains many pieces of information and sometimes things go missing. Fear not, I shall remember, maybe. Then I will let you know."

Translation: "I forgot."

Tsubaki sighed, once more. This time in relief.

----

This relief did not last long. As Black Star was setting up his legion of bunny-apple followers on his plate, drips of red jelly falling onto the table from the Toaster Poppy he was munching on, he suddenly spat out his sugar coated treat-

Note: getting jelly on Tsubaki's hair and clothes

-coated treat and made his proclamation.

"Today we will go onto the streets! For I proclaim that today shall be a day of celebration for myself and my closest underlings!!! WAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! C'mon, Tsubaki, let's PREPARE!!! Hey, why are you covered with jelly? "

Oh, man. There was no way out of this, was there.

---

After finishing breakfast, bathing and packing a lunch, Tsubaki gathered the tried and true necessities-

Contents: First aid kit, credit card, $500 in cash, emergency snacks, fake IDs, passports and the keys to safe houses in Istanbul, Missouri, and the standard Las Vegas.

-tried and true necessities for traveling _anywhere_ with Black Star, hidden considerably well on her person. Black Star was waiting for her at the front door, smiling brightly when she appeared.

Tsubaki smiled back, "Where are we going first?"

Black Star's grin widened, "Soul and Maka's place!"

---

"Perhaps we should have called first?" Suggested Tsubaki, as she and Black Star made their way down the hallway to Soul and Maka's apartment.

"Nonsense! They should be happy to have their day brightened by my presence!" Black star laughed.

The young assassin knocked loudly on the door, "YOOHOO!! SOUL, MAN!! MAKA!! LET US IN!!"

_CRASH_

_BAM_

"Ow! Soul!"

"Shit!"

"Get the damn door!"

"I am! I am! Quick, help me find my shirt!"

"Would you shut up! Besides, I can't find _mine_!"

"There it is!"

"Good! Here, go, _go!_"

Tsubaki's already blushing and it's obvious her partner has no idea what's going on as Soul opens the door, shirt in the process of being put on-

Note: backwards

-being put on, and he breathlessly greets them.

"Hey, um we were just uh-"

"finishing dishes!" Maka calls from the other room.

"Yeah! Finishing dishes! And we were definitely _not _making out-OW" A pot hits Soul on the back of the head. They all ignore the blood beginning to stain Soul's white hair as Maka comes to the door, her blouse buttoned incorrectly.

"Hi, guys, what brings you here?" Maka says, a trace of panic in her voice.

Black Star jumps into action, "GOOD NEWS, FRIENDS OF THE POWERFUL BLACK STAR!! YOU HAVE BEEN CHOSEN TO ACCOMPANY ME ON MY FANTASTIC JOURNEY THROUGH OUT TOWN!! COME!!"

Maka takes one look at Tsubaki, who is shaking her head and mouthing the word '_no_' behind her partner's back, and tells Black Star that she's actually not feeling well, and had it been on any other day she would have accepted.

Black Star just laughs and grabs Soul and Maka by the wrists, saying that spending time with him is the miraculous healing all sick people in the world require and that they should feel honoured by this great chance he has provided for them.

Tsubaki mumbles an apology to them both.

---

Unsurprisingly, they go to Kid's house. When Kid opens the door, Black Star just grabs him and leaves. Liz and Patty wave to Kid, as the shinigami struggles to free himself-

Note: Or at least keep his clothes from getting dirt on them

-to free himself, but they just ignore him.

"Our soap is back on! Tony just asked Marline to marry him, even though she's the mother of his sister's baby!"

They shut the door before Kid can even ask what the hell they're talking about.

---

"First order of business," Black Star says, at the park where they decided to stop, "We need to go to the Pie Factory on Oak street for they are selling BANANA CREAM PIE and IT IS DELICIOUSSS!!"

Meanwhile, Maka is fixing her blouse, behind a tree, Soul is turning his shirt the right way, Kid is frantically trying to rid himself of the dust on his pants and Tsubaki is already ordering plane tickets to Istanbul.

Tsubaki closes her cell phone, "Black Star you just ate!"

"I HUNGER FOR PIE!" He yells, purposefully, "Now, does anyone have any questions before we leave?"

"Yes!" Kid cries, angrily "Why would you take me on this crazy excursion, but _not _Liz and Patty?!"

"Well," Black Star begins, " It's because-

Truth: He asked them to tape the soap opera for him.

"It's because I asked them to tape that soap opera for me. I totally want to know how Marline's gonna answer Tony. No more questions, time for pie."

Oh, at this point, Tsubaki is way beyond sighing.

---

"WHAT DO YOU _MEAN _YOU SELL NO BANANA CREAM PIE!? PEON! I REQUIRE BANANA FLAVOURED GOODNESS!!" Black Star yells, enraged, at the store clerk and Tsubaki wonders if it's too late to book a sooner flight.

"I'm s-sorry, sir, b-but we're saving all the b-banana cream p-pies for the contest this a-afternoon. S-so _please don't kill me_." The man cowers behind his desk.

Black Star looks back at the clerk with sharp eyes.

"Tell me-" He looks at the clerk's name tag and reads slowly "Daaavee, how would one go about signing up for this contest?"

"Well, the p-pie eating contest r-registration t-time is over-"

"Damn it, Dave, after all our time as friends, you stab me in the back like this! How _could_ you?!"

"I DON'T EVEN KNOW YOU!" Dave shouts hysterically.

"I thought I knew _you,_ man, but now I'm not so sure," Black Star sniffs back a tear, because Great men like Black Star don't cry-

Exceptions: Old Yeller, touching reunions, soap operas, when there are no more Toaster Poppies/muffins/Dunk-a-Rooz in the kitchen, slice-of-life anime, when Mom says that Puppy ran away and she's looking super guilty about something

-don't cry like some baby.

"U-um, if you leave we could make an e-exception..." Dave stuttered.

"Dave, you are my best friend!!" Black Star's eyes shined "Sign me and my friend up! Black Star and Soul Eater!"

As Soul's face drained of colour, Tsubaki muttered another apology to him.

---

Several hours later, Soul was throwing up into a garbage can and Black Star was lying on a bench, his first place trophy in his hand.

"Uhhhgffsdl, Ahm de beeeehzzzt ebbeeeaarr...."

Translation: "I'm the best ever."

Black Star's Subconscious Thoughts: "I probably should not have eaten so much pie."

Soul: Bllaarghlkjjcnjdnnn

Tsubaki took out the first aid kit and gave Soul and Black Star some stomach medicine.

---

Soul and Maka were now at the hospital, Soul having food poisoning, but there was still the evening to attend to.

"Paint ball."

"No."

"I agree with Kid, Black Star, perhaps we should turn in for the night."

"NO WAY, it's almost the end of summer vacation and I want to go out with a KA-BLAM!"

"You go everywhere with a ka-blam, Black Star, so shut up. I DO NOT want to get covered in asymmetrical spots of multi-coloured paint."

"But their _guns_, Kid, right up your alley!"

Translation: "Please, Please, _Please!!!!_"

"No"

Translation: "Hell no."

"WOOHOO!! LET'S GO!"

"WHA-?!"

---

"THE _PINNNNNK!!!_" Kid continued to foam at the mouth as the ambulance took him and his neon pink splattered person away.

As Tsubaki watched in horror and disbelief as another friend of hers made his way to the hospital, Black Star was wondering what to do next.

"It's down to naked water skiing and streaking, what do you think, Tsubaki?"

Tsubaki turned to him in shock, "I think it's time we went home! Two of our friends are at the hospital, you've threatened a pie merchant, you've broken two dozen paint ball guns and WHY DO BOTH THOSE CHOICES INVOLVE BEING NAKED?!"

Black Star shrugged, taking out a black marker.

"_Now, _what are you doing?!"

"Signing this ambulance, so that those that are harmed-

Note: Probably by him

-that are harmed can be inspired to live through the power of my name!"

"WHAT?!"

"Generous, right?! HAHAHA, my kindness surprises even myself!"

"Hey, you punk! What are you doing to my ambulance!"

"Run, Black Star, _**run**_!" Tsubaki screamed.

---

Upon returning home, Tsubaki found that they had a few messages on their answering machine.

"_I am __**sewing**__ you for __**harassment **__ and __**assault**__ and __**whatever else I can think of!!**__ Don't __**screw **__with the __**Pie Factory!!!**__"_

"_I am afraid I'm going to have to ask you to pay the $4800 for the paint ball markers you broke. Unless, you'd prefer to settle this in the court room."_

"_I would like to let you know that the defacing of government property is a crime. The court date for your hearing is on September 30__th__ at 2:20 pm. Please be there on time and dressed appropriately." _

---

At the air port, Tsubaki handed the woman two tickets and passports.

"Well then, er, _Mr. and Mrs. __**Gonzalez**_ . You're all set for your flight to Istanbul. Have a nice stay..."

Tsubaki sighed, "Gracias."

* * *

**There you have it. Black Star's BIG FANTASTICAL DAY OF WONDER. Review, if you'd like.**


End file.
